The grinning sheep is Number 29. She was a lot like Dory from Finding Nemo in sheep form. I mean, she was sweet and game for adventure, just not quite up to normal sheepy standards. If you haven’t encountered Number 29, the tale of her meeting Finnbar the Bum-Biting Horse is here. However, today, we’re going to talk about what happens when you mix a feed bucket, an intellectually-challenged sheep, and five reasonably intelligent humans.
Once upon a time, there was a bucket holding a little feed into which Number 29 shoved her head. When the bucket was empty, she kicked it. Since it didn’t magically refill, she kicked it again. (I did say she was dim, didn’t I?) The third time she kicked the bucket, the handle flipped up and over, lodging firmly behind her ears! Her rock-solid skull was trapped!
With a startled squawk, her head came up and the bucket came with it. The blue bucket swiveled first one way and then the other as Number 29 looked for a way out. Suddenly, she stuck her bum in the air, dropped her front end, and tried to back away. Naturally, the bucket ‘chased’ her. She froze, stood stock-still for a count of five, and rocketed into the air. She landed with a buckety clang and began to zoom blindly around the pen. The bucket not only acted as blinders, but also amplified her shrieks.
As she zigged, zagged, and screeched, I doubled over laughing. The more she ran from the Attack-Bucket, the more freaked out she became. I wheezed, cackled, and wiped my streaming eyes as glee and sheep-swearing echoed through the yard.
Eventually, I squelched the guffaws to chuckles and tried to catch her. It was like trying to grab a large hairy pinball…on meth. So, I called for backup. Grace came trotting over from the rabbit enclosure. When she caught her breath, (that kind of laughter takes it out of you), we tried tag-teaming Number 29.
Grace is fast and fearless at catching sheep, but even she couldn’t grab Number 29! The giant amped-up pinball ricocheted from flock to fence to us. All the while, emitting super-sonic blasts! The screams, crashes, and hilarity eventually brought the guys. (Did you know that redheads turn really really red when they can’t stop laughing?)
Eventually, we stifled the giggles and teamed up to ‘de-bucket’ Dory. It must be noted that one cannot reason with sheep. It would be lovely to say, “Pardon me, but if you will pause a moment, I will be happy to remove that terrifying wad of plastic from your face.” (Read that line in a posh British accent for full effect.) So, even though the best of sheep are unreasonable. Number 29 went above and beyond. She was the Anti-Reasonable!
Not only was she unreasonable, she was also un-herd-able, un-catchable, and virtually unstoppable! Number 29 never paused, she just ran…and screamed. She ran into other sheep. She ran into fence posts. She ran into us. The only way she didn’t run was out of steam! Eventually, her frantic cries were interrupted by moments of Darth Vader-esque panting.
One high-speed ricochet bounced her off a fencepost, and into the water tub. There. She. Stuck! The scene bears describing. A fat sheep flopped on her back in a large black tub. All four hooves scrabbled desperately in opposite directions. The bucket had filled with water, which poured over her face. She spluttered and gurgled, but never stopped screaming! Honestly, she looked like a freakish furry upside-down turtle!
We converged on her, certain we could remove the bucket while she was stuck. With no warning, Dory metamorphosed into Neo from the Matrix. She did this gravity-defying levitation thing! Her body rose from the water in slo-mo, twisted mid-air, and hit the ground moving! A wave of nasty sheepish water rose from the tub and washed over the rescue team.
There was no more laughter. Nothing douses humor like a shower in nasty sheep-tea. We stood dripping, grumbling, and glaring at the bucket topped missile streaking through the paddock. Both humans and sheep were soggy and smelly. Worse, we still had to catch her. There may have been murmurs of shepherd’s pie and gyro sandwiches.
Suddenly, in an act of sheer heroism (and desperation), Liam threw himself on the sheep! It was an unbelievable sports mashup! He body checked, tackled, and put Number 29 in a half-nelson. The rest of us leaped into action! Jonah fiddled the bucket loose. Sam grabbed the hooves whizzing around Liam’s ears. Grace and I checked the little idiot for post-fence-post traumatic injuries.
The result of the adventure was one free and unharmed sheep, two scraped knees, several bruises, and five mildly sprained funny bones. As we watched Number 29 calmly saunter off to join her flock, we decided that the next time she kicked the bucket…there would be gyros!
Note: Number 29 continued to be silly (and happy) for several years. She had healthy babies and was a great Mama. Eventually, we lost her to an injury. There were no gyros involved.
Do you have any tales of livestock misadventure? Do Attack-Buckets feature in your farm security plan? I’d love to hear your stories!
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2 thoughts on “Fridays at the Funny Farm: The Bucket Incident”
Aw, I totally laughed with you on this. Such a cute story, and very reminiscent of when I was a traveling teacher for a paralyzed student out in the country. They had a herd of goats they basically let loose on their property and it was always a miracle if I could reach the door with my clothing and paperwork intact. They ate the whitewall paint off my tires…LOL. Oh, dear, but they were very funny to watch! Sandi
Lol! I can just picture you trying to get in the house with folders of papers! I was a country kid, but when I was three my mom dressed me up and took me to a petting zoo for pictures. I have clear memories of sobbing, because, the goat chewed the hem of my new dress and left green stains. I think goats tend to have more personality and make more mischief than sheep. However, we have a few stand out personalities with our flock…and they’re way easier to fence than goats! 😉 Thanks for stopping by and have a great week!